When I told him how I felt he told me he considered my ex to be family and basically disregarded me. So what if your siblings and mother dont stop loving him like you did. My ex also dumped my stuff at my Dads and my Dad wouldnt drive 7 miles to my Mums to drop it off! I cant trust no one. I split with my abusive ex and my Dad, stepmum and siblings sided with my ex and wouldnt uninvite him to a family wedding even though I had just fled my home! Would I actually have to go to such lengths? My ex was never liked by my family until we divorced & then he ingrained himself by constantly slandering me. I found out several years later about this. It was just more of co-inhabiting together in our house and paying bills. We live 7 hours from my nephew. I respect his space and time with his family. I would be too. It helps to know I am not the only one who has gone through and goes though this nonsense still. What Went Wrong? Please do what is best for your NEW family. Thanks for the sharing post on this topic. As this narcissistic cheater enjoys Oh and once you understand the dynamics of it all which can take several years to process that is the part where you do learn to accept and move on. After he threatened me and i had to leave he changed the locks and froze the bank account and disabled the car quite happily telling my Dad he had done so!My Dad then told him my stepdad had helped me force the window to get my things resulting in my ex attacking my stepdad! Sounds like my Husbands family.There isnt attending holidays bc his ex is re-married and states away.However,they treat her (and by extension her new husband) well.They still consider her family bc she and my husband have adult So I started talking to him about it and he said he doesnt want me to talk about her anymore. One year after I have chose to be single and removed from family. What my ex gets is justification for her turning a child against a parent, and for making the divorce process a nightmare and then getting free love and attention for her adult daughter from her grandmother.. My wife now and her family has treated me so wonderful, but I have always been in sort of a fog that my family never accepted my new wife, even when it was her who left. I have no problem with them being cordial but family gatherings is out of the question, esp if you are around. I have good friends. We both always believed we were meant to be together and he has told me this many times, but the way he treats me blows my mind. And how he runs to her pic . Now his ex is pregnant and its looking like his sister is going to be godmother to the baby. Sorry to break it to you sweetheart but you dont get to pick and choose the ones you like. She is willing to cut ties with her own family, spend Thanksgiving (who cares what the kids want) all because she doesnt want to be around her ex. I will never understand it. He even calls my uncle and invites him over to watch the football game. But I truly think its wrong. Am I wrong for telling my nephew how this has hurt me and that if he allows the two of them to come and stay in his home ( my family) I will not come back to visit. Family is suppose to stick together and should have tried to make her feel loved and supported, not like she was responsible for the consequences of an abuser. I would be careful, people like this are often working long term on things they may or may not chokse to bring to the surface. I too have had horrible family that scenerio you describe is similar to mine.one thing I would encourage you to rethink, you stated above that Hes a great Dad and Person..I too have for many years said, believed those words.but I sadly had to realize, those are lies I made to myself to try to keep peace with him.I will continue to keep peace with him for the kids, but.no person man or woman, participates in any gathering where their parent is deliberately excluded. I absolutely feel that the invitations were a deliberate way to hurt my sister. I just blocked my sister on Instagram because she post pictures of my ex and her family hanging out! My husband left me for his ex wife, This was just 2 years of our marriage. I wish my family knew how much hes hurt me and my kids over the years being absent my daughters entire life (until she turned 23!) Ten years later, Im still dealing with this issue and it has torn our family apart. Maybe try explaining how you feel to your ex and family members about how you feel. The familys treatment of me when i split up with my ex literally broke my heart. My ex was determined to be at all of my familys events, and holidays. He does it in front of the kids and friends. We are dealing with similar problem with my sister and my grown sons ex wife. Some expected, some unexpected. Emily. Its not being Cordial its being totally and absolutely insensitive, now if they were all best buddies before I guess I could see it to an extent. My Ex was not even a good father, never around and never knew his kids. The children dont remember why I left because they were so youngso when they just skip over issues like physical violence, choking, battery, rape, etc. They all hate me, wont talk to me. Made snide comments about his excessive drinking and mishandling of money. We were trying for a baby he wasnt sure about, but they have had one. My ex maintained his relationships with all of the men in my family. Who gives a shit what you are being combative about with your ex who seems like a dedicated enough father to put up with you delusional crap and stick it out for the kids. The ex family does not request friends with my siblings but my siblings request to be friends with my ex family. Yeah, it sucks for a lot of us. Unreal. Children suffer when parents do not make eventual peace. He has his own family unit with the children and then he has his extended family (or not). It drives me crazy. Many still kept in contact with me through online means.. but with time it faded, only those whom I had strong ties.. Have we managed to keep in touch. You will always see him at graduations and weddings for your kids. My family has totally excluded me and my 7 year old. What's going on? These kind of people seem to have an inability for any kind of self reflection, empathy or change. You are a cup with a leak, a black hole, and anything good given to you is lost forever. As a now 40 year old adult, whos parents divorced 30 years ago. My ex is invited to every family holiday and family reunion.If I refuse to go because of him its canceled or theyll have one without inviting me.I havent had a family to speak of for 25 yrs.We once were close but after I divorced him he stayed at their house complaining that I divorced him.Never mind the fact that he cheated on me repeatedly and treated me horrendous.I guess they like him more than me honestly.I spend every holiday alone while he spends his with them.We have no family photos that dont have him in them.Hes been married twice since our divorce but is single again.Im a widow. It was also HIS family for 13 years, and nothing has been said about him being in any way an unpleasant person. It is just plain weird for a mother to deliberately upset her daughter by choosing to over involve herself with her daughters ex husband and new girlfriend. I was told they where simply all friends. One of my sons, brother, sister and brother-in-law have kept in touch with him and visited with him. He knows exactly how to cripple you. NOPE! I am estranged from my family because of my ex wife. They rarely talk, and when they do, it's just surface-level "catching up." About their jobs and whatnot. Some people are just that nice. I understand love and loyalty doesnt really exist within family. Breakups can be rough, and it's particularly rough when you've gotten attached to an ex's family. I said no Im good. Even if you are right they are HER family!!!! 2.1K opinions shared on Break Up & Divorce topic. My sister was married for 30 years to my now ex bro-in-law. The whole thing just felt so imbalanced because I gave him the space he needed and I needed and cut ties with his family. I do believe your family should be putting you first and it just sounds like a bit much with the time they are spending with him. Fear. so Im having to keep my distance which is killing me. I feel heartbroken all over again. GoodnessI guess I needed to get this out! Her mother helped her along in her disowning me of course. My mom is sick with congestive heart failure, I am her only child and she still engages them. My 27 yo lives with me because he has autism. Dani I really feel for you. I dont talk to or see my family anymore. I dont think youre being unreasonable. Theres nothing wrong with them still being friendly with your ex, but to take it to the point where theyre spending holidays with him and bbqs with him and hanging out all the time. Thats YOUR family not his! You have a biological seat at the table I personally cannot understand why any parent or sibling would want to deliberately spend time with an ex unless kids were involved. 5. But then kind of did so.as did his My ex is invited to and comes to many of my family events but its not the same when it comes to his family, he has even kept done of my friends and such its not comfortable to see them all so close and feel purposefully excluded. Its so beyond sick, I can confidently say my family is extremely toxic and invalidating, so it sounds like the authors family is absolutely that as well. She was at every wedding, baby and bridal shower, funeral etc on my moms side of the family. Smile and be happy your family is awesome go back and start enjoying them again. This is beyond cordial. it hurts me. My chosen family are very happy to have gained 3 wonderful, smart, loving people into their wonderful loving group. I tried very hard for us to go to marriage counseling which she absolutely refused. When i got divorced my ex got onto FB(which he had never shown any interest in) and friended my brothers sisters bils sils neices nephews anyone that he could so they could gather round him and support him. I am sorry for your painful, raw family story. My ex was invited to my nieces wedding ten years later & I was not. I figured they felt hurt for me. And if you have and theyre still continuing behaving this way, they really have no respect for you. Im sorry I call it SHITY SUPPORT!! } Come to find, there were family functions, me and my husband just werent invited. "acceptedAnswer": { I think I was in denial. I explained that I did not want to feel uncomfortable at my own family gatherings. If you didnt know we dated in the past, you would never guess by our text message content or pattern. They dont care about you at all.. It? being when a divorced family member is replaced by the ex. Your family should either choose you or cut them off. Where is the maturity in that??? No one should have to choose sides, some situations may be uncomfortable but at the end of the day they are a result of choices we make, and at some point you were happy with that choice. They even fed him information and made the situation worse they actually put me in physical danger. Maybe residual jealousy from siblings is a part of the reason. The reality is there is an ex though and I do have mixed feelings. To be honest it sounds sort of weird that he is that close to them and sounds like hes got some issues. You might explain that since he has a girlfriend that he substitute her family for yours, that may mean that your kids go to her familys for Holidays on occasion but if she is going to be in the mother role than you may have to clear this up once and for all. You don't have to cut an ex's family out entirely after a breakup. I completely understand how you feel. Oh, but (name of his ex) did it like this.. Once he left, I told my niece that I wanted her to remove him from suicidal media. You see, I love my ex-wife and never wanted the divorce. Absolutely no empathy or reflection or regard for anyone. Be overly friendly, in fact. But your family is wrong wrong wrong!!! I have 8 months to think about it but I dont know if Im going to wait that long I even told her why dont you just invite him for Christmas we get a divorce for a reason mine was because of mental abuse they dont get it nobody recognizes it they are manipulative he is one up all the time. He set out to retain his long friendship with my other daughter and husband and of course, this was and is very upsetting for my daughterhis ex. Your sister needs to respect you, simple as that. If you wanted to share a family with your ex you would have remained married. The family is beyond cordial. He systematically does all the right things 4. Yet I know its a form of punishment. Nope, so he asked her. LOL, I feel for you. Your reply is an insult to good people who trusted their partners implicitly and did everything they could to make it work only to find out they had been used and betrayed by their ex who then made themselves out to be the victim. For 6 months etc) as well as stealing money from the family email us your dilemma at hello@thegirlsbathroom.com follow us on instagram @thegirlsbathroomshop the girls bathroom here : http. I feel like you are making it more complicated then needs to be its about controlling someone and that is never okay. Its mean and very hurtful. You divorced your husband! Exs who cant exit your life and stop unhealthy ways to make sure their Believed are SICK Period, and you have the right to protect your kids from them if they are against YOU period. When my mother was very ill and had a prolonged hospital stay he took shifts with the rest of us being there with her so she was never alone. My children are in therapy due to the relationship. You will fear death more and more as you age and become more bitter and resentful. You need to have a heart-to-heart conversation with your boyfriend about his feelings towards his ex, his feelings towards this little girl, and where he sees things going in the future. Your ignorance is beyond. No. I have not mentioned all of the terrible things my ex has put me through throughout this process, but on top of everything else, shes taking all of my family members away from me. I wanted a new partner and wanted my daughter to just follow along. Your family isnt acting like a family at all. She is also using my 14 month old daughter as a pawn to get the best of me and Im looking for answers on what to do. My ex even said things like she wont be able to do anything as she has no access to money. As far as their relationship with meI have been kind to them in various ways, but the other disadvantage (if there were one) is that because of the distance in states, even after 10 years they dont know me extremely well. Educate yourself. For one they are his kids too. I still get kind of angry about it sometimes but have been really trying to let go of that. And that your family dont turn cold to the father of theirs is generarly a good thing. Just saying. I feel exactly as you do. She even calls her "Mom." He left. When I also looked back over these family relationships; I could see that they were nowhere near as reciprocal as the effort and love I put in. You have big decisions to make, good luck x. Sadly she has cancer but her behaviour over the last 5 months towards my Stepdad and myself reminded me so much of my ex etc that I found myself heading for a breakdown with my Stepdad along with me. He works hard for what he has. I actually hope you can heal and be happy. If your boyfriend and his family find it hard to discuss sensitive. Sorry, but he became my husbands BF during those 18 years and now we are suppose to kick him out of our lives because she feels guilty being around him?? So, dont burn bridges.!!! As for him not being your family. Nothing will replace my now adult children, those relationships and What might have been. But I no longer see myself as a victim. And you need to revise your opinion of good people. "If you have children together, keep your relationships with your exs family, as it pertains to the children, civilized and cordial, but dont cross the line to where your ex is uncomfortable. Now another 6 years has gone by. Because heres the thing. Im Mrs. Dulce Beverly from the United States, I want to share a testimony of my life for each one. Thank you for sharing. Its your life. think they would ever believe there was a completely different side to him. I am somewhat recently divorced myself after 12 years of marriage and wouldnt dream or putting my ex in that position. Someone has free choice to support you or not but that doesnt take away the truth of what I have said above. There is a lot of narcissism and enabling in my family over multiple generations. I re read the post and I still feel it is not normal, even when no abuse is involved for your birth family to embrace an ex son in law more than their own child and sibling and herein lays the subtlety. He has new girl on his Facebook but he said dont mean nothing he call me still because he care for metell me he trying get married I ask him too who he says I need figure it out why is he calling me still. These cheaters are more than home-wreckers, they are extended-family homewreckers. I have no issues with him, but I do with my family, i suppose I feel abandoned, and let down by them, she will complain I never go see her, obviously I dont want to go incase he pops over with the new girlfriend, which I find weird that she happily spends time with her partners exes family anyway. He has moved in with her and her family. She is the one who filed for divorce and moved out of the house. If asked, she would say It doesnt bother me, do what you like. Whats with the lie? She made a choice to leave her husband she needs to face the music and not try to manipulate other people, family or otherwise, to make the same choice. Now my niece is getting married and she wants to take part in hosting the bridal shower and be at the wedding. My widowed sister who never really got to know my ex because we were military and voiced complaints about how he treated me invited him to her house for dinner. If your family is healthy, they would nudge him along, however, when your siblings embrace him and continue the relationship they are disrespecting you and your choices. All he did was lie and I was no longer happy so I chose to leave, he told me if I left That i would lose everything including my family. Im ready to move away and write off my whole family. They were complicit in covering up. Its sucks, but thats what narcissistic people do. With that said I think the ex really is stepping out of bounds here. Ive always been the outsider of this side of the family . I ask my family why they keep my ex family on as friends on face book? They are treating him as part of the family. And he said see I told you , you wouldnt understand. The ex probably enjoys sticking it to her more. Maybe you should try to be more considerate of your familys feelings. I am so sorry thats your sister did what she did at Thanksgiving. Could it be that this has something to do with it? She failed to protect me from a narcissist because she is one herself. Look no further as much as love you family, consider them as number one enemy to your peace and happiness. For any of your family to pick YOUR ex over you seeing your nieces and nephews and having their sister and loved one they dont care not you. Unfortunately, some families are toxic and dont care for their family member. Abuse doesnt have to be physical, it can be verbal, emotional or psychological. During my divorce, we attended a seminar coping with divorce that explained from the point of view from the children. Agreed. To take it one step further, my ex-wife was included in my fathers will as a beneficiary in equal part as my brother and me. Ethan. Not much you can do about it really, it will probably cause a rift, and like me have very little to do with them any more. It doesnt make it any less painful. I still have to tell my daughter that even though they are aware of what he did to her, they invited him to the weddings that we will now be unable to attend and try to explain something I dont understand myself. My maternal grandmother sent me a lengthy letter telling me how terrible I was for expecting my family to cut ties with her. They need to support you in your transition out of the relationship I long for a family, it just my daughter and I. Which I think I great and very nice of him. We broke up because he was emotionally unavailable and now hes never been more available for them. But because hes the type of man to avoid the problem rather than deal with it, he hasnt actually done anything about the way its making us feel. There is a point in time when your family needs to be supportive of you and your needs and recognize that having your ex at every function is hurtful. His mother and father really feel horrible about the divorce and believe that he should've stayed and worked it out as divorces just shouldn't happen. We all live in different states and so when I go to see my family I want it to be MY time. But I wont let it make me disloyal in return. Im so glad you posted this because Im going through this right now with my family. But why would he have her alone with him and hide it? For my family, even if my parents liked my bf's they'd always cut ties because it's just the thing you do. They not thinking about you, sounds like they want you to be in misery. I experienced this. I would have no problems if my family had a good relationship with my ex before and after the divorce but over the years they never expressed any interest on hanging out with him until now. 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Football game ones you like you need to support you or not but that doesnt take away truth.
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